Flame: Rewritten
by KissMeDeadlyT-T
Summary: REWRITE: When Edward shows up at Roy's door step at four in the morning, soaking wet and shivering in the pouring rain, Roy knows something is wrong. He takes Ed in and demands to know his story, but what he finds out turns out to be more terrible than he'd ever imagined. [Please read the author's note!] WARNING: This fic contains RAPE. Royed. M for a reason.
1. Chapter 1

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: I'd really like if you read this author's note because I have some things I'd like to explain (to old followers if you're still there, and new readers as well).**

**I used to write a lot of Royed and I guess you could say I was a fairly popular Royed author. I went on a long hiatus around February because my anxiety got too bad for me to handle and I couldn't write anymore, and at one point I decided I wasn't going to write anymore at **_**all**_**. **

**But, lo and behold, I'm back! I wanted to try re-writing something instead of writing something new, to try and get comfortable with writing again. I'm hoping eventually I'll be able to write as often as I used to, and meet new friends and get in touch with the ones I haven't spoken to in nearly a year. :)**

**Moving on to the story: This is a re-write of my fic, Flame (as you can tell by the title). I'll be changing up some things in the plot, and most likely the style of the writing itself. I've changed a lot since I started this fic so long ago and I don't want that to clash with how I was before.**

**Warnings for mentions of rape and a graphic description of it in a later chapter. As always, I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, and this isn't beta'd so all mistakes are mine. Enjoy!**

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><p>The sky above Central City was a dark, swirling abyss of clouds, lightning, and freezing rain. Pellets of ice and sheets of water washed out the empty streets, clattering loudly beneath the booming thunder. Through the foggy bay window in his dark living room, Roy Mustang watched the world outside howl. His house was dim, lit only by the small lamp at his desk – it didn't help the niggling sensation that something was wrong about tonight.<p>

The wind slammed into the wall opposite him and his house groaned; startled, he pushed away from the window and walked back to his black leather chair and creaky wooden desk to finish up his paperwork. He was being ridiculous; lack of sleep was making him paranoid. There was nothing off about tonight – except maybe the unholy amount of papers he still needed to sign.

He had only gotten out of the hospital from the injuries he'd gotten at the Fifth Laboratory (he could still hear Lust's skin sizzling and the echoes of her screams; some sick part of him was pleased at the memory), and they were already piling paperwork on him. His wound, though healed now, still hurt when he moved the wrong way, and he was exhausted, but he told himself he had no choice. He had duties to attend to if he ever wanted to make it to Fuhrer, after all.

He glanced at the clock and groaned when the hands showed somewhere just before four A.M. He was way too tired for this shit. He hadn't had a good night's sleep since… well, since the Elrics had come into his life. He'd been too worried about them (not that he'd admit that – Fullmetal would never stop making fun of him) to sleep properly, and otherwise too busy with work.

He picked up his mug of coffee, which had turned cold hours ago, and gulped the rest down. He'd slacked off enough. He had to get this done, or he never would.

Almost mechanically, his fingers grasped the pen he'd tossed away earlier, and he began signing the papers. He didn't pay much attention to what they were about; he just wanted to get them done, and maybe get _some_ sleep before he had to go in to work at eleven tomorrow. Or, he thought miserably, later this morning. The clock hands now showed 4:05 A.M. Roy sighed.

Thunder boomed, wind howled, and his house moaned; time dragged by like molasses.

When he was getting down to the last half of his stack, a soft tapping sound behind him caught his ear. He stilled his pen and glanced around his living room, his hand hovering over the drawer where he kept his gloves; the creepy feeling was back, an unsettling clench deep in his core, a crawling sensation just beneath his skin. There was nothing in his living room – he didn't know what he was expecting – so he released the breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding, and turned back around.

"Being stupid," he muttered to himself. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, biting down a yawn. Thunder rumbled and lightning lit up the room; he shuddered and went back to work.

And then he heard it again, and he was sure he wasn't imagining it this time – something was tapping softly somewhere behind him. _Tap. Tap. _Outside. He pushed out of his chair, grabbed his gloves, and headed to the window. He looked around the corner, skin prickling. It was too dark to make out much, but he could see the shape of someone – something – curled up against the screen door, one fist knocking at the glass.

His stomach squirmed unpleasantly. He slid on his gloves, and told himself silently that he wasn't acting ridiculous – he'd just killed one of the Homunculi; it wouldn't surprise him if one of her brothers wanted revenge, and this might be a ploy to get him to drop his guard. He opened the door.

"Finally."

As soon as he heard the voice, he let out a long breath, his shoulders relaxing. "Fullmetal," he said warily, crouching down to the boy's level. All of that for nothing. The rain soaked through his socks and the knees of his sweats. "What are you doing here? Do you realise what time it is?" Then, as a vague afterthought, "Isn't it past your bedtime?"

When his question was met with silence (and not the furious rant declaring all the ways Roy was going to get murdered tonight if he even _implied_ that he'd meant this as a jibe at Edward's size that Roy had been expecting), he frowned. "Fullmetal?"

Gold eyes slowly looked up and met his, but something wasn't right. That uncomfortable feeling of dread in his stomach returned. There was definitely something in Edward's eyes that wasn't usually there – or a lack of something. That light in his eyes that Roy liked to think of as a flame wasn't there; the boy looked lost, his eyes dark, empty, hollow. For a moment, Roy was so shocked, all he could do was stare – the last time he'd seen Edward like this had been years ago, when he'd visited Risembool right after the accident.

And that was how he knew something horrible had happened, that maybe his bad feeling all night hadn't been for nothing; something traumatic had happened to Ed, again, and Roy felt something terrible gnaw in his gut. Sixteen years old and Edward had experienced more pain than most people ever would. Roy felt like he wanted to be sick.

Then he realised he was staring, and that Edward was curled up there in the pouring rain, drenched to the bone. Hastily, he reached out to grab ahold of Ed's arms. Ed flinched away, terror flashing across his face. Roy backed off.

"Come on, Fullmetal, stand up," he said quietly, willing himself to remain calm. Gently, he wrapped his fingers around the boy's wrists, tugged softly on them to help Ed stand up. "You'll freeze to death out here."

A droplet of water slid down Ed's cheek. Roy wasn't sure if it was rain, or if the boy was crying. He hoped to whatever deity might exist that it wasn't a tear, because he wasn't entirely sure he could handle a crying Edward. He wasn't entirely sure he could handle this situation at all, actually – Ed had just shown up on his doorstep in the ungodly hours of the morning, looking like he'd just seen Hell again. He didn't have experience with this kind of thing; he'd taken care of his trauma with whiskey. He didn't know what to do. Ed was shivering. _He didn't know what to do._

"I can't," Edward whispered. It was so quiet Roy had barely caught it over the pouring rain.

"What?"

Ed squeezed his eyes shut and his teeth ground together. He choked back a sob. Roy's heart clenched. "I c-can't stand."

Immediately, Roy's eyes snapped down to the boy's leather pants. There was no wound, as far as he could see. "Why not?"

"Help me." Ed's eyes were open again, and they looked desperate. "Just help me… Please."

Roy decided then that explanations could wait. He'd never heard Ed say please before, and certainly not to him. "Alright," he said calmly. "Alright. I'm going to lift you up, okay?"

Ed nodded. Roy stood, hooking his arms under Ed's trembling ones, gently lifting him to an upright position. Ed crumpled against him, a pained sob escaping through clenched teeth. "You're okay," Roy murmured, and he wasn't sure if he was trying to convince Ed or himself. "It's gonna be okay…"

He helped Ed limp over to the couch and sat him softly onto the cushion. Ed's fingers dug into his arms the moment he sat down and he whimpered, flinching away. Thoroughly alarmed – Ed had never,_ never_ displayed such vulnerability in front of him before – he instead helped him into a lying position before kneeling beside him. Ed shut his eyes, breathing heavy.

"Fullmetal," Roy said sharply. "What is going on?"

Ed covered his face with his hands, pain twisting his mouth into a grimace that made Roy feel terribly nauseated. This wasn't right. It wasn't right that Ed had to suffer so much. Roy was _pissed_. He'd taken Ed under his wing, and as much as an ass as he tended to be, he did genuinely care about him, and this was unacceptable. He _hated_ it, with such ferocity that it terrified him.

Softer, he said, "Edward. Please."

"C-cold," Ed muttered. His teeth chattered. Roy cursed himself – Ed was soaked.

"Come on, then, let's get you out of those clothes."

Ed's wet eyes met his again. "I don't want to get up."

"Fine – do you mind if I carry you?"

"No," Ed said in a tiny voice.

"Okay." With slight difficulty, Roy lifted Ed into his arms, muttering apologies and trying to ignore the tightness in his throat whenever Ed whimpered. As he started walking up the stairs with heavy, big steps – Ed was heavy for such a small person – Ed clenched his fists into his shirt, which was drenched now. He hid his face in Roy's chest.

Roy thought it was adorable, but quickly stopped, because that was crossing some sort of line. "You know, you _are _going to tell me what happened."

Ed didn't say anything, and for a moment Roy was worried he'd passed out. He glanced down. "Fullmetal?"

"Can't."

Roy frowned. "Don't you dare think you can show up on my doorstep this early in the morning and nearly give me a heart attack and then say you can't tell me what's going on."

Ed was trembling again. It may have been from the cold, but it didn't seem that way. "I can't tell you," he whispered. His voice sounded thick, like he was about to cry. Roy wanted to kick something. He wanted to _help_ – the fact that it was hard to do so frustrated him. He felt hopeless.

"Look," he said hesitantly. "I know I act like an ass most of the time, but you _can_ tell me things. I'm here to help you, Edward. You can trust others, you know." By now, they were at the bathroom. Roy set Ed down onto shaky legs, holding his arms loosely to make sure he didn't fall. Voice soft, he said, "You don't have to do everything alone."

Pain flit over Ed's face again. "I know," he whispered. "I know I can, it's just – I _can't_, I can't tell you – it's – damn it –" His voice trembled and then broke, and suddenly, his entire body was shaking, and tears were pouring down his cheeks.

Roy didn't even think before pulling Ed in for a hug, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close to his chest, and then Ed was sobbing, fingers clutching desperately at the back of Roy's white shirt. It was silent except for the howling storm outside and the sounds of Ed's sobs, and Roy found himself panicking, deep down inside – this was so _wrong_. He'd heard Ed cry before; he'd been there when Ed blamed himself for Nina's death, when he'd found out the secret of the Philosopher's stone. This wasn't the same. This sounded like Ed was breaking.

After a while, Ed's sobs slowed and turned to sniffles and trembling breaths, but he didn't step out of the hug. Roy was surprised, but not unpleased. Fullmetal usually loudly and firmly let everyone know how absolutely dreadful it was having to be in the same room as Roy, but right now, he held on tight as if it would kill him to let go. It became quiet again, Ed leaning on Roy, Roy rubbing his back and wondering what could have possibly made Edward like this.

Finally, he murmured, "Listen, Edward, I can tell something happened. I can tell it… wasn't good. If you really don't want to tell me, then I won't push it, but if you decide you want to, I'll listen." Ed nodded mutely. Roy smiled. "For now, though, you need to get out of those clothes. You're going to get sick."

Ed nodded again, flushing slightly as he pulled away. "Right."

"Can you stand alright?"

Shifting a bit, Ed winced. He grabbed the counter. "If I lean on something, I'll be okay."

"Good. You should shower, too – heat yourself up." Straightening up, Roy backed away. "I'll grab you a shirt and pants, okay? They'll be a bit big, but they'll do until your clothes are dry."

Ed swallowed, mouth open like he wanted to say something. He closed it, and bit his lip, and then blurted: "Why are you doing this?"

Roy frowned. "What was I supposed to do? Kick you to the curb? I'm not that much of an asshole."

"You – you could have just, left me on the couch or something. Or just told me to go home. I know you have more important shit to do."

"Edward," Roy said lightly. "I know I don't act like it, but I do care about you. You're part of my team." _You're special to me for some reason I can't describe. _"I don't let people I care about suffer, and I don't abandon my team."

Ed looked like he might smile. He didn't, but he seemed calmer. "Thanks – I mean. Okay. Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

Roy turned to leave to let Ed shower in peace, but a choked, "Wait, Mustang," made him pause. He looked back. E d was a delicate pink, and he looked extremely uncomfortable, but this time, he did smile, a tiny little quirk on one side of his mouth. Roy's heart felt funny.

"Thank you," Ed repeated. "I mean it."

Roy couldn't help but smile. "Like I said, Edward. Don't mention it."

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><p><strong>KissMeDeadlyT-T: It hasn't changed too much, really. I just added some things and took out some others, and I think my writing style is more mature now than it used to be. <strong>

**I'll update when I can – I'm working full-time now, and don't have all that much free time. :(**

**Please review! I really want to know what people think of this – I know the first version was fairly popular, and I'd love it if this one was too. I'm trying to get back into writing, and encouragement would go a long way in helping! Thank you for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: Thanks to 1974 for pointing out that I forgot to add characters to the story's description. I don't know what happened lmao**

**To everyone else: Thank you so much for taking the time to review and let me know what you think! I see that some of you have read the original Flame and I'm really glad you're still around to read this one. I'll do my best to see it through. :)**

**Warnings for this chapter: Angst, angst, and more angst. Oh, and the end is decidedly unpleasant. (But you wouldn't be reading this if you were in the mood for a happy story, would you?)**

**Again, it's unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine.**

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><p>Roy was sitting on his bed with his head in his hands. Listening to the storm outside and the steady spray of the shower in the next room, he tried not to think. The white, dull noise of it all should help him stay focussed, keep his eye on the task at hand: take care of Edward, help him however you can, get involved but don't get <em>too<em> involved. Instead, his mind wandered, trying to take horrible, twisted paths that Roy was hopeless to block.

Had Al gotten killed? Or seriously injured? Roy tossed that idea before it was even fully developed. If anything had happened to Al, Roy didn't think Ed would have even as much will to live as he did right now.

Had he found out something terrible – maybe there was no way to get Al's body back? That thought was so awful – the idea of Ed and Al's dream being crushed, just like that – that it made his head hurt.

"What happened to you, Fullmetal?" he muttered, running his hands down his face. God, he wanted to know. Roy sometimes didn't act it – in fact, probably only Hawkeye knew the depth of it – but he cared about his team. A lot. He'd put himself in the line of fire for any one of them without a second thought. The knowledge that he hadn't been there to help Edward – to _protect _him – was tearing him apart. He needed to know. Needed to make it better.

Ed called for him from the bathroom, and it was a relief. He couldn't sit here doing nothing anymore. He was going to make himself sick worrying. He got to his feet.

"Are you decent?" he asked, rapping his knuckles softly on the door.

"Give me a sec," came Ed's muffled voice. "Fuck – ow – okay, you can come in."

Roy opened the door to see Ed leaning against the sink, drowning in Roy's clothes, rubbing his hair gingerly with a towel. Roy's heart squeezed at the sight – again, he felt to strongly protective of Edward that it scared him. Not for the first time, he wondered whether the extent of that feeling was completely paternal.

"How are you feeling?" he asked instead of dwelling on that.

Ed shrugged, one shoulder rising and slumping gracelessly. The shirt slid halfway down his automail shoulder, which gleamed faintly in the soft light. "Okay, I guess." He wouldn't meet Roy's eyes. "Hurts," he mumbled.

Roy's eyebrows drew together in a slight frown. "Are you going to tell me what happened?"

Ed's expression went vacant. It was a carefully practiced thing that Roy had seen more than once. "I'm fine. Got in a fight. Needed some help. I'll leave now." He tried to shove past Roy, but instead crumpled against him with a pained gasp. Roy's hands came up to steady him gently. He pushed a stray lock of hair behind Ed's ear – which, he realised too late, was a little less than appropriate. Ed stared at him with wide eyes.

"Sorry." Roy's hand dropped. They were still standing close. Ed didn't back away. Roy didn't either. Something in Ed's eyes changed, and he dropped his gaze to the floor. Like he'd lost the will to fight, but didn't mind so much.

"If I… tell you," he said hesitantly, "will you… keep it quiet? From Al?"

"I won't tell anyone, if you don't want me to. You can –"

"Trust you, I know." Ed sounded tired. "You're a bastard, but I know."

Roy sighed. "Good." He patted Ed's arms softly. "Now, what do you say we get you lying down?"

Roy saw the scowl, the 'I don't need to be _babied_, Mustang,' that flit across Ed's face, but Ed didn't argue. He nodded mutely, holding his arms out, like he wanted a hug. Roy stood there, somewhat awkwardly and quite confused. Ed rolled his eyes.

"Would you mind carrying me?" He said it like it tasted bitter in his mouth to admit that he needed help. "Not really in the mood to try walking right now."

"Oh." Right. "Sure." He gingerly scooped Ed up into his arms, smiling a bit to himself when Ed looked embarrassed and annoyed. "Do you want the spare room, or did you want to take my bed? The spare's downstairs; mine's just down the hall."

"Spare's too far," Ed muttered, hiding his face.

"You can take mine, then." All the implications of that seemed to go straight to Ed's cheeks, because he was bright red and looked quite irritated. Roy would have rolled his eyes if it wasn't so funny.

He carried Ed over the threshold of his room (Ed grumbled under his breath) and set him down delicately on the bed. Ed made a pained sound, reaching for him again – Roy's heart did a funny thing inside his chest.

"Can you –" Ed shut his eyes and grit his teeth, looking thoroughly annoyed at his own inability to move properly. "Could you maybe help me under the blankets?" He met Roy's eyes awkwardly. "If that's okay."

"Yeah." He lifted Ed slightly off the bed and pulled out the dark blue comforter from underneath him; placing him back down, he pulled it up to Ed's chin, hiding a smile at the way Ed snuggled down into his bed with a long sigh.

Roy sat down in the chair next to his desk, shutting his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. His head was aching. When he opened his eyes again, he saw Ed looking right at him, an unreadable expression on his face. It quickly changed once he realised Roy was staring back.

Ed brought the blankets up higher. "Are you gonna sleep over there, bastard?"

"I was thinking I'd finish some paperwork then take the spare room, actually." Roy might have made a face when he mentioned the paperwork. There were no words to describe how badly he didn't care about them right now.

Ed's eyebrows pushed together. "Wait. You're not gonna take your bed?"

Roy frowned at him. "I hardly think it's appropriate for us to share a bed, Fullmetal, regardless of the situation."

"I mean – we're just sleeping, right? It doesn't really matter." Ed's face was hidden completely behind the blanket, voice muffled and lazy.

"I honestly can't believe you're asking me to get in bed with you," Roy said before he could stop himself. He shut his eyes and tried to imagine he hadn't just said that. He opened his eyes again. Ed was glaring at him. He hadn't imagined it.

"Just get in your fucking bed, Mustang."

"I won't share a bed with my underage subordinate."

"I can't just kick you out of your bed."

Roy stared at him. "You're hurt. Yes you can."

"Fine," Ed huffed. "Bring me to the spare room, then. If you're gonna be a stingy shithead about it."

"How rude."

"I'll bring myself there then." Ed made to get out of the bed. Roy stood up hastily – he didn't want Ed walking. The poor kid could hardly _move_ without hurting.

"Damn it, Fullmetal! Just stay in my bed. It's not a big deal."

"Then get in, you dick."

"Why do you want me there so bad?" Roy demanded irritably. "You come into my _office_ and complain about having to be near me."

Ed didn't answer for a moment. A pair of gold eyes glared at him from beneath the blanket. "'Cause you're warm," Ed muttered begrudgingly. "And 'cause I don't like being an inconvenience."

Roy sighed. He was too tired to argue, anyway. "Fine. I'll stay with you, but only because you'll probably find a way to murder me if I don't."

Ed looked satisfied and wriggled closer to the edge of the bed, leaving more room for Roy on the other side. Roy went to remove his shirt, like he usually did for bed, but he felt like that was crossing a line (not that this _wasn't_) and opted to keep it on instead. He slid into the other side of the bed. Ed snuggled closer, trying to be inconspicuous, seeking his warmth. Roy noticed how cold Ed was; he could feel the chill emanating from his automail from where he was lying a foot away from him.

"Did you want another blanket?"

Ed made a noncommittal sound. "Nah." His voice was slurred, lazy with exhaustion. "You're warm 'nough."

Roy's heart felt heavy again, so he looked way and stared hard at the grooves in his ceiling. Ed's body was so close to him, and while it was terribly inappropriate, Roy had the urge to pull him close to his chest and never let go, to protect him for the rest of his life, to never let anyone hurt him ever again. He knew Ed didn't need protection, but from the corner of his eye he could see the soft curve of Ed's cheek, his damp hair sprawled all over the pillow, his soft lashes casting shadows over his skin… and Roy wanted to protect him anyway.

It was silent for a while, and Ed's breathing evened out. Roy glanced at him. Eyes shut, mouth open slightly – he looked peaceful. It was nice. Roy let out a breath that it seemed to him he'd been holding all night. Edward would get some peace of mind for a couple hours, at least.

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><p>Roy jolted awake. For a moment, he lay groggily staring at the space in front of him, noting the clock on the wall – seven in the morning. He blinked, slow as molasses, trying to discern why he was awake so bloody early. It took him a moment to feel the heat of a body beside him, the cool of a metal arm flung across his waist. And then he knew the reason he was awake.<p>

Edward was crying, moaning something Roy couldn't make out, eyes rolling frantically beneath damp eyelids. He was shaking all over, so hard Roy could feel it in the mattress. "No," Ed muttered, tears soaking his lashes. He whimpered, a sound so terrified Roy's stomach clenched. "N-no, please, stop –"

"Edward," Roy whispered urgently, shaking Ed's shoulder slightly. Ed wailed, trashing away. Roy swallowed down his panic and sat up, pulling Ed with him, talking to him, petting his hair back, telling him everything was okay, he was safe, please wake up, Edward, you're having a nightmare.

It took a while, but Ed's breathing slowed and his sobbing stopped, until he was awake and crying softly into Roy's shoulder. His mismatched hands made fists in the sheets, trembling with so much emotion it was almost scary. Roy ran his fingers through Ed's hair, brushing it out gently, for the first time not remotely caring if this was crossing a line. Ed was more important than his job.

Ed hiccoughed, pushing away slightly to rub at his eyes. "God," he muttered under his breath, "you must think I'm some sort of crybaby or somethin'."

Roy shook his head. "I think you're a terrified kid who's seen too much for his age."

Ed let out a short, humourless laugh. It was more of a breath than anything. "Yeah."

There was another short silence – Ed sat rubbing at his eyes, sniffling, trying not to look scared and failing, while Roy sat and watched him quietly. It wasn't right, seeing someone so strong broken and scared like this; Roy wanted to hold him and protect him until everything was okay again.

After a few moments, Ed swallowed thickly. "I'm guessing you want to know."

Roy did, but he didn't want to push it. "Only if you want to tell."

"I do," Ed said quickly. Then he grimaced. "Well, I don't, actually. But I do. I just…" He let out an impatient sigh, like he was angry at himself. "I… don't want to talk about it, but… but I can't just… just go on knowing what happened when no one else does. I don't… I can't do it alone." He was loathe to admit it, Roy could tell; he was flushed angrily, his eyes were shining with tears again, and he looked disgusted with himself. Roy wished he wouldn't. He wished Ed understood that relying on others didn't make him a weak person.

"And you think I'm the right person to tell?" Roy asked softly. Coaxing it out of him. Ed needed to talk – Roy couldn't let him keep it bottled up. He'd done that before, and it never ended well.

"'Course," Ed said gruffly. Trying to be tough. Trying not to cry again. Roy wanted desperately to hold him and let him cry it out all morning, but Ed would never agree to that. He was too proud.

"Well, then, I'm listening."

"I… it – fuck." Ed's voice wavered. "Sorry."

"Don't apologise, Edward. Just take your time."

"I'm scared," Ed admitted, staring hard at the blanket like it could take back what he'd just said. He swallowed hard. "I'm really… I'm just so scared. I can't even _explain_ it, I just –" His voice broke this time and he pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes, like he was trying to block an image. "I don't think I can do this," he whispered.

"Take your time," Roy said again. "You don't have to tell me right now. You don't have to tell me at all. I know you get alone with Lieutenant Hawkeye –"

"No. I want it to be you." Ed ground his teeth together. "I need to tell someone and I want it to be you."

Roy wanted to ask _Why me?_ but he didn't. Instead, he said, "Okay. I'm right here. I want to help."

"I tried – when I was in the shower – I tried to wash it away. I thought it would go away if I was clean but it _won't_, it won't go away and I –" Ed's breath hitched and he swallowed again. Roy had no idea what to do. He settled for putting a hand on Ed's shoulder, warm and steady, hoping to help ground Ed and help him focus. Ed barely seemed to notice. His eyes were wet as he stared at something Roy couldn't see, trembling and half-hysterical.

"Fullmetal." He used his Colonel voice.

Ed blinked and stared at him. "Sorry. Sorry, I'm okay." He didn't sound okay in the slightest.

"Good." Roy hesitated for a moment. "Edward, listen – don't push yourself. You're not ready to talk about it, and that's fine. You can get more rest and we can talk about it in the morning. Okay?"

"I want to say it now. I just – I'm scared. You'll hate me. You'll think I'm gross and weak and you'll throw me out of your house, and I'd understand – I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I'd get it. But I don't – I can't –"

"Edward –"

"I can't take it, I just gave up and I'm so weak, I'm disgusting, I can feel it under my skin and nothing is making it better and I can't do this anymore, I don't know what to do –"

"Edward, hey, calm down." Roy did his best to not show how worried he was – Ed needed him to be strong for this. "Calm down," he said again, in a low, soothing voice when Ed's breathing approached dangerous hyperventilating, his sobs starting up dry and ragged and horrible again. "I won't think that. You're brave. You're the bravest kid I know. How could you think you're weak?"

"I _gave in_, oh god, I gave in and I _knew_ what was going to happen but I couldn't even make myself _fight_!" Ed was spewing words like it would kill him if he stopped but like each word was tearing at his heart anyway. "He forced it, he wouldn't stop and I couldn't _take it_, I'm so weak, so gross, I just _let him_ and now – now I can't even _look_ at myself, this is _all my fault_ –"

"_Edward Elric_."

Ed stopped, staring at him with wide, watery eyes.

"I won't think any different of you for what happened. I will _never_ think of you as disgusting or weak. Like I said – you are the strongest person I know. You gave up your _arm_ for your brother, when you'd already lost your leg. You've seen things kids your age should never have seen. Things people _my age_ should never have seen. You never consider the danger in what you do – some people think it's reckless, which it is, but you do it because you think you need to. You don't consider what's best for yourself because you're too busy thinking of others. You are the furthest from weak and disgusting there is, Edward, so please stop saying otherwise."

Ed stared at him in awe; it was an expression Roy had never seen before, much less directed at him. Without a word, he threw his arms around Roy's neck and sobbed into his shoulder, and Roy thought he heard a muffled _Thank you_. He was too busy hugging Ed back to care.

Ed pulled back, but only slightly. Roy felt like maybe he should mention it – first of all, a week ago, had someone told Edward Elric he's be hugging his CO in said CO's bed, they'd have gotten the shit kicked out of them; and second, this was in no way appropriate and Roy _knew_ but he didn't want it to stop. God, he didn't want it to ever stop. He liked how Ed felt in his arms, against him. He was probably going to hell.

"I'm gonna tell you," Ed said, his voice steadier than it had been since he woke up.

"Okay."

"It's… it's really not… a good story."

"I know."

"I might… I might not be able to –"

"Just do your best. I'm not going anywhere, and you're safe." He squeezed just slightly. Ed's lips curved up in the slightest of smiles.

"Okay." Ed took a deep breath, put on a strong face. "Envy."

Roy frowned. "The one that looks like a palm tree, right?"

"Yeah," Ed's laugh sounded a bit forced. "Him."

"Don't force yourself –"

"Damn it, Roy, I want to tell you!"

Roy snapped his mouth shut, trying not to smile when Ed muttered "_God_" and sighed irritably.

"Okay. I'm just gonna – he… he did… I can still feel… inside me –"

And just like that, Roy knew. Ed's limp. _Dirty. Disgusting. Gross. Weak._ It all made sense. His stomach dropped and then lurched so suddenly he was afraid he might vomit; he swallowed it down and held Ed a little bit tighter. He didn't want to hear him say it anymore.

"Edward –"

"He raped me," Ed blurted. He was trembling again, but he didn't cry. He looked too tired to cry. All he could do was stare emptily over Roy's shoulder. "He took… the only thing I had left that was mine. And I broke. I gave in. And I hate myself for it."

Roy couldn't speak. His throat wouldn't work. He couldn't do anything, too shocked, too angry, too terrified, and _oh my god, Edward, no._

"I'll tell you what happened. It's not pretty, but… I think… you need to know."

* * *

><p><strong>KissMeDeadlyT-T: I realised, while I was re-reading the original of this chapter, that before editing it had been pretty insensitive to rape victims. I am a bit disgusted with how my mind used to work. I'll definitely be saving any love confessions or demands for physical intimacy for a later chapter. Also, I did make an effort to keep Edward more in-character than he was in the last version (lord help me) while still being vulnerable and scared. How did I do? D:<br>**

**Please leave a review! They really encourage me to write more, and I love to know what you guys think, even if it's only a couple words letting me know how I did! Thanks for reading this chapter, and I'll get the next one up when I have the chance. :)**


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